I can't name the look in your eyes when they meet mine anymore. They never linger, I can never see enough to really feel like I understand.

When the night grows long, and as my life goes on I can only wonder how things changed so fast, so completely.

As my breath runs short from trying to catch up, I find I'm always two steps behind you, and always hoping you'll slow down.

You're so far away already.

What's gone is gone, and you run from it like it will swallow you whole if you pause to reconcile it, to think on it with a smile when all I have to take from it is the peaceful happiness we shared.

Learning to be with you without the way you looked at me and the touch of your fingertips on my face, it gets easier every day. The hardest part is knowing you can't look at me at all, and only you know what it is you see that makes you avert your eyes, what you see that is so different from what you saw before.

I never lock my window on the off chance things will change, despite knowing things have changed already and they'll never be the same. I wonder what is yet to come and where we'll end up, and if someday we can laugh and talk about it, or if you'll never see it the same way I do, if you don't remember how sweet it was when things were easy.

I can't help feeling close to you, and if I could save you the discomfort of knowing you don't feel the same, I would. But faking it is even more obvious than letting it show, I've accepted this change as completely as I can thus far and it still feels like you're unsure. I don't pretend to know what you're unsure about. I wish I could.

I do not have the comfort of knowing I made this choice for us. And despite everything, I don't have the capacity to walk away. I can't decide who I am to you, only who you are to me. You are my friend, now, but forgetting where we started isn't as easy for me. It still feels unfinished, and until our eyes can meet without you turning away, I can't lock that window. I can't help but wonder what is hiding, or what you're hiding from. And most of all, I can't picture turning you away if you wanted in again.

Feelings change. History does not. My feelings have changed, they've adapted, and still the things that transpired during that short time hold some meaning to me. I can't imagine how it could be different for you, and I hope that it isn't. I hope you still feel good when we're together. I hope the things we said still ring true to you. That is all I hope for, that's all the closure I anticipate.

I know things aren't easy anymore. Do you know that? That I don't feel that innocent sweetness between us anymore, but that having had it means it is part of us?

I'm sad if that is why you can't look into my eyes. If the reason you can't relax into being close to me is because of what we let go. It was our first chapter, it doesn't have to be any more than that. But it's written and it's a part of our story, a piece of this evolving saga and I don't know how to ignore it even if it's easier than this.

I want to be there when things are better for you again. I want to see you get back up and make the life you want. I believe you can do that, and I hope you do too. Every other variable is irrelevant, they are not under my control and I do not want them to be my responsibility. But I will be here for you as long as you want me to be, and if you need to lean on me, I hope you will without concern, because that is who I want to be for you, that is what I can do to be at peace with the turn of events that have brought us here.

We have much to learn about one another, and I am always open to another lesson.
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